Safety behaviours, avoidance and what you could do to help your mad friend ;)

I would like to talk about my views on safety behaviours and why I see most of them as a form of avoidance. While my anxiety was spreading over all public transport I decided to make the journeys a bit more pleasant. I made sure I always had a bottle of water, that I was wearing layers so I could  remove some clothing when the heat rush kicked in, that I had my emergency medication (Diazepam and/or Lorazepam) that my phone was fully charged, that I had something to read etc. Shortly after I began being picky about what trains and buses to take, what time do I travel, what carriage I choose, does the guard look friendly, is there a seat close to the door and are there windows that could be open...

This quickly became a double edged sword. Yes, in a short run it made the whole experience a bit easier, but then I created this huge check-list of things that I must remember before travelling. By doing that I put more pressure on myself and again reinforced the thought of there being a threat and the thought that something will go wrong - like I was preparing myself for a disaster to happen. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with having a sip of water, taking your coat off when it's hot or waiting couple of minutes for the next train if the first one is really packed. The important thing is to do it for the right reasons. Following those safety behaviours when you are feeling anxious and hyper-alerted will only increase the anxiety. In that instance this works in the same way as avoidance - instead of reassuring yourself that there's no threat, you reinforce the worrying thoughts.

What I find helpful is to have a calm conversation with my thoughts (yes, I do talk to myself a lot ;-) ). Accept your fear but think of a more rational scenario and wait for the thoughts to pass. Distraction can also be helpful but it has to be done naturally not out of panic. It's like taming a wild horse really slowly. What has been suggested to me by my CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) therapist is to acknowledge the thoughts but gently shift focus. It can be anything that works for you. I tried reading but it was quite difficult at first, I would do it very absent minded and often read the same line over and over again. What I found helpful was to look around and describe something - it could be anything, from train/bus seats and fabric they are covered in, to an outfit that someone on a train was wearing.

Remember that anxiety always goes down, your body isn't capable of keeping the adrenalin level up for a long time, it's worth seating through it so your body can naturally relax.



Friends and family tip: If you don't experience high level of anxiety but know someone who does ask them what they'd like you to do if they panic. It will show them that you are wanting to understand and would like to help if needed. I can usually feel it coming so I can give people heads up if needed but in most cases you'd notice someone panicking anyway. I think the key is to stay calm - two persons panicking will not help. The second thing is to do whatever they ask you to (within reason ;-)). Some may want a glass of water or a piece of chocolate, some may want a hug and some to be left alone. Don't ask if they are ok every minute, it may just cause more anxiety. Reassure them instead in a subtle way, or humour them - I love turning my anxiety issues into jokes! Also hearing someone talking works for me along with, as mentioned before, asking me to describe things as otherwise I usually shut down. It helps me regain my focus. Another thing that usually calms me down is when someone gives me a way out, it's almost like reverse psychology. For example when I was driving through a tunnel I started having a panic attack, my friend offered to stop and said I can run if I want to, having that option made me actually want to suck it up and wait for the anxiety to decrease, it was my choice and I was making it because I knew it would be better form me. Knowing a way out is often enough. It gives you a sense of control and it worked for me. It's almost like thinking 'yes, I could break the train door open, but I don't want to because there's no threat'. Not making a big deal out of the way you feel usually removes a lot of pressure and helps you accept your fear :-) This is what works for me, but you might have to find your own ways to trick your brain.

TBC.

Much love, Kasia :) xx