RE: Chasing Perfection

        After writing my 'Chasing Perfection' post I've been thinking a lot about happiness and what it means to me. The reason I've written the last post is to show that there are better and worse days. Days when you feel confident and days when you doubt yourself. So I thought I could turn it into a conversation. I realised that I don't accept failure and/or weakness but I also find it hard to accept a success. I had a chat with a lovely lady who's very close to my heart and always asks me the right questions in order for me to reassess any situation and find a way forward. The perfectionism can be very useful being a driving force but it can be just as self destructive. Self acceptance and self love when we thrive and succeed is easy. Doing the same when we aren't doing well is quite different and it is something worth learning. The unconditional love and acceptance is a special gift, a skill that I want to learn. This post my sound very hippie-like but this way of thinking has proven to be most helpful for me and truly agrees with who I am and who I want to be.

     For instance what would you say to someone who was dealing with your problems? Why can't you follow your own advice and find the encouragement within yourself? Self love does not mean narcissism or arrogance, it's listening to oneself and being kind to yourself. I have a very few happy childhood memories, let's not throw a pity party and go into details but there were some dark times. I see it differently now, but at the time I was blocking any excitement because 9 times out of 10 I ended up hurt and disappointment. I feared happiness because it never lasted and only led to more trauma. Being on a lookout for things to go wrong in my adult life proved very exhausting and didn't bring me much joy. After finally dealing with a lot of the issues I tried to bury and pretend they didn't exist I started to feel happy. A geuine relief and pure happiness. A few moths ago I was jobless, dealing with anxiety and sleeping on peoples spare beds or sofas (all by choice and in the spirit of starting over). And guess what, I woke up happy every day. I listened to my true self, ignored all of the excuses and spent some time alone. I'm still holding back and fear that my happiness will somehow be taken away from me, but then I remember it can't because it comes from within. And as my wonderful Spiritual Life Coach (as I like to call her) says: Happiness will only attract more happiness :)

Much love,

Kasia xx